Many Family Conflicts Center on Which of the Following Issues?

A loving relationship is not always as peaceful as we wish it to be. Every couple has their conflicts, as our moods and desires do not friction match all the time. Even though, information technology is perfectly possible to maintain a happy long-term relationship despite occasional fervor. The most of import thing here is to learn how to resolve all the disagreements in time

Allow'south see the chief causes for couples' conflicts and acquire the ways to maintain peace in your family unit, overcoming all the crises together without turning your life into a battlefield.

Contents:

Features of family conflicts
Causes of family conflicts
Disquisitional periods of married relationship
Ideal couples: dream or reality
Recognizing counterproductive conflicts
Conflicts between newlyweds
Efficient ways to solve family unit conflicts
Inefficient ways to solve family unit conflicts
Asking a psychologist for help
Solving the bug in relationship

Features of family unit conflicts

Family conflicts announced when family members (spouses, usually), disagree about their views and motivations regarding a sure event. [one] Such a curtailed description cannot fully convey the range of emotions each couple experiences while solving their relationship problems. When two people fight, information technology's anger, grudge, sharp sense of guilt and irritation that get the all-time of both of them.

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Psychologists classify conflicts based on causes and sources of conflicts likewise every bit partners' beliefs. One of such classifications, that perfectly shows the eagerness of both partners to solve the bug together, is classifying conflicts and productive and counterproductive. [2] Their primary features are whether both partners reach the same page, are ready to work on their human relationship, and whether the problem gets solved.

Productive conflicts

From psychological point of view, family conflicts tin can be extremely helpful and even necessary to strengthen a relationship. Such conflicts are not a problem, but rather a mode to learn more about the partner, solve whatever pending issues and testify your honest feelings. Even the most serious conflicts can exist soothing in the long run.

In that location can be various causes of productive conflicts, but on the fashion of solving them both partners achieve a compromise. Every bit the result, no one feels offended and slighted. Such conflicts can help in solving relationship issues and stabilizing the marriage.

Counterproductive conflicts

Unfortunately, some passionate arguments do not cease peacefully and event in compromise. Counterproductive conflicts are especially dangerous. Neither of the partners gets satisfied with the upshot.

Basically, such conflicts are a uncomplicated shouting match of 2 people who do not want to listen to each other, compromise and solve their actual problems. Both partners are left with a bad sense of taste in their oral cavity later on such conflicts, which affects their happiness in the human relationship.

Counterproductive conflicts tin can terminal for years and tin can lead to a divorce

Causes of family conflicts

There is a brilliant saying past Leo Tolstoy: "Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". We can inappreciably argue with it, as family conflicts may happen for any reason. Psychologists note the well-nigh prominent ones:

deviant behavior of 1 of the partners (addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling etc.);
acts of infidelity;
strict and authoritarian family organization, which the other partner cannot take;
contrary views on life, goals and interests;
unsolvable financial challenges;
sexual inadequacy;
unfulfilled need of positive emotions in one or both partners due to lack of understanding;
constant interference from the outside (friends, relatives). [1]

Multiple social surveys confirm these findings. According to statistics, the following problems are common causes for a divorce:

rash decision to marry—40%;
partner'southward infidelity—19%;
sexual inadequacy—15%;
mismatch of mutual interests and views—12%;
alcohol addiction of a spouse—7%. [3]

Critical periods of married relationship

Aside from main causes of family conflicts, psychologists also note certain factors that can lead to betrothed discord. Those are crises of married relationship. At that place are generally four of such critical periods. [1]

The offset critical period

It usually happens during the first year of marriage. Partners get used to each other, establish important behavior rules, learn to handle family upkeep and may even challenge each other in order to concord the place of the caput of their family. All these can lead to inevitable conflicts.

The second critical period

Nascence of children is some other important pace in developing a relationship. Many couples struggle with raising a kid. Both spouses get new responsibilities, so in return they lack fourth dimension for intimacy. Besides, they both have less possibilities for personal and professional growth. Spouses tin disagree about their parenting methods. Hubby's negligence, or, on the contrary, increased sexual desire while a new mother is exhausted and goes through physical changes can lead to problems with their sexual relationship. All these can be the cause of serious arguments

The third critical period

"Experienced" couples that survived x-15 years of marriage can also have a relationship crunch. Quite often partners go "sated" with each other afterwards years of living together and sense a lack of new emotions. Some spouses can become reserved or go consumed with a new hobby. Other spouses showtime searching for "new emotions" elsewhere.

The fourth critical period

After 18-24 years of married life spouses can meet some other disquisitional catamenia. Some psychologists think that it is caused by wife'south emotional dependence on her husband and worries about possible infidelity. On one manus, a husband has lower libido at that age and cannot fulfill his wife's sexual needs. On the other hand, a wife senses her ain aging and fears that her husband will find a immature and beautiful lover.

Disquisitional periods happen at specific times in every couple'southward married life. The causes may be different, but the signs are always the aforementioned: mistrust, reservations and frequent arguments. If both partners manage to "survive" this crunch without breaking up, their relationship goes to a new level. Nonetheless, it can only happen if both of them are willing to make information technology happen.

Platonic couples: dream or reality

Spouses spend a lot of time together. They constantly accept to deal with everyday problems and raising their children, they spend their leisure time together. It is inevitable for them to have disagreement in any of these matters: both partners have different upbringing, unlike habits and unlike behavior patterns. In that location are hardly any ideal families that are constantly peaceful and take no conflicts whatever.

Usa researchers V. Mathews and C. Mihanovich split all married couples in 2 groups, happy and unhappy ones, regardless of their "track record". [4] According to them, spouses in unhappy families:

have different views on many problems and specific situations;
cannot or have no want to understand their partner's feelings;
speak in a manner that irritates their partner;
feel unloved;
never speak about their problems and desires, agree with everything fifty-fifty if they are dissatisfied with it;
never spend time with each other;
practise not trust each other;
submit to their partner'south desires regardless of their own wishes;
barely compliment their partner.

For a certainty, every person has their own opinion on the shape of an ideal family. The well-nigh important part here is to observe a common ground, listen to a partner and respect their opinion and principles. In order to describe a happy family, we only demand to take the same list of features and turn each signal into its positive contrary. A happy family is based on trust, the desire and eagerness of both spouses to find a solution to any problem.

A Public Opinion Foundation in Russian federation conducted a survey in 2013 in order to find out the stance of Russians nigh a happy family. Only 12% of Russians called their relationship ideal. The respondents were also asked nearly the most important things in a married relationship. Hither are the answers to that question:

love—55%;
respect—55%;
care—37%;
patience—26%.

Recognizing counterproductive conflicts

Counterproductive statement is a conflict for the sake of conflict. It is hard to reach any sort of a compromise if both parties get so heated they finish up on opposite ends of the outcome.

There are few relationships without arguments. The important part here is whether the conflict helps to solve the result at hand. In the oestrus of an argument we can lose the sight of its original crusade when the emotions get the best of us. Here are the signs of a counterproductive disharmonize, detrimental to a relationship:

Partners cannot or have no want to solve a trouble.
An argument takes a course of finger-pointing and abuse exchange rather than a meaningful chat. Both partners aim to offend the other.
Partners bring upwardly past misdeeds instead of dealing with the problem at hand..
Neither of the partners admit their guilt. They e'er blame other people.
One or both spouses get aggressive. Overwhelmed with acrimony, a person may even striking their relationship partner.
One or both spouses become passive-aggressive. Equally the result, they keep silent, leave the room ostentatiously, give short answers that practice non move the chat forwards.

Even severely counterproductive conflicts may outcome in reconciliation. However, this volition be the calm before the storm. If the spouses did not come up with a solution that would satisfy both of them, after some time the same upshot will be raised in the same fashion.

Constant arguments in a human relationship are a critical situation that requires both partners to solve it. Increased psychological lack of condolement is meant to push the person to look for the ways to resolve the issue.

Consequences of counterproductive conflicts

What can a prolonged and counterproductive conflict result in? The severity of consequences profoundly depends on a specifics of the situation and the solutions that the spouses apply.

Counterproductive conflicts affect both physical and mental state of everyone involved in them, willingly or not.

Spouses begin to mistrust each other, they build upward the grudge and dissatisfaction with their current relationship.
I of the partners may even develop depression or neurosis as the effect of constant stress. Other physical and mental disorders can also have concur.
Children are the ones most affected by the neverending conflicts. They suffer from their parents' confrontations and consider themselves to be the cause. Information technology impacts everything a child does and will do in the future.

Conflicts between newlyweds

Many psychologists agree that newlywed couples accept harder time solving conflicts compared to the rest. Partners who lived together for just one-3 years file for a divorce due to unresolved conflicts much more often than more experienced couples.

Upwardly to 30% of new marriages fall apart due to this. [i]

Here are the almost common causes of conflicts in new families:

jealousy and cheating;
whatsoever flaws and negative qualities that the other partner cannot take;
lack of proper house and fiscal resources to support a family;
expectation of a child;
lack of emotional attachment and mutual respect. [iii]

If both spouses are ready for a meaningful chat, they can solve any conflicts appearing in their married life.

Efficient ways to solve family conflicts

Psychologists propose the post-obit pattern of solving marital conflicts in a "proper" way: [1]

These stages of seamless conflict solving tin exist really useful for a couple'south relationship. However, many people are unable to command their emotions when they desire to prove their betoken and win an argument. Information technology becomes hard to follow a "script".

Search for a solution should non turn into a battlefield. In that location are no winners or losers in a productive conflict. Ideally, both parties should aim for a "win-win" situation. This is the heart ground, the compromise that will satisfy all family unit members.

A psychologist Five. A. Sysenko spoke about the post-obit tactic to avoid serious conflicts in marriage:

solve whatsoever imminent conflict without neglecting it;
respect each other;
aim to become a better person for the sake of your human relationship;
learn to empathize a partner;
practice not make an argument worse by directly offending the other person;
do not bring up their past mistakes;
keep your anger in cheque during an argument;
do non bring up your unfounded suspicions about their adultery. [5]

A family therapist D. Delis offers a rather interesting approach to conflict solving. [4] He suggests that issues in relationship caused by "imbalance of objective circumstances" are the easiest to solve. That includes whatsoever changes affecting the stability of relationship: moving houses, nativity of a child, alter in occupational status of one of the spouses, child's rebellious beliefs during teenage years etc. The therapist offers the following tactics to solve such conflicts in marriage:

Blame the situation, not each other.
Back up each other.
Search for a solution together, draft detailed short-term and long-term plans to escape a critical situation.

According to D. Delis, at that place is e'er a style to restore remainder in a married relationship and end arguing about trifles. Partners that follow the tactic of meaningful communication without mutual blaming and responsibly search for a solution have easier time preventing serious conflicts.

Inefficient ways to solve family conflicts

A heedless approach to solving family conflicts can just make the situation worse. Endless quarrels and mutual blaming can eventually lead to a divorce.

Co-ordinate to a psychologist D Gutmann, who spent years observing the relationships in married couples with various "rail tape", in that location are 4 counterproductive and inefficient ways of advice between partners: [6]

Criticism. Phrases like "yous never…" or "you always…" do not assistance the situation. Those are just labels that bruise down your partner and that do not facilitate a solution to the trouble. Every bit the event, both spouses outset to discuss each other's weak points, forgetting well-nigh the result at easily.
Humiliation. Partners showtime attacking and trying to offend each other severely. Yelling, ambitious gestures, name calling and sarcasm do not contribute to solving the problem, they are simply humiliating.
Inferiority complex. When 1 partner (or both) offset to consider themselves the victim of the whole situation, the disharmonize becomes almost impossible to solve. A productive conversation has no victims and no righteous.
Ignoring. It is a passive-aggressive beliefs that is every bit damaging equally agile aggression. It often looks similar this: "I've already said everything", "We take nothing to talk about". Silence is the end of a dialog. And a dialog is necessary to find a solution.

Another serious mistake that many married couples make is involving other people in their conflict. Consulting a family psychologist is i thing, but asking friends and relatives for advice, allowing them to interfere in the couple's private life only makes the situation worse. The more participants you have, the lower are your chances to solve fifty-fifty the smallest conflict.

Asking a psychologist for assistance

How tin we solve the conflict? Accepting the beingness of a trouble is the starting time step. However, many couples neglect to accomplish the compromise even if they know the cause of their conflict and know the ways to solve it.

Quite often, both parties encounter the state of affairs only from their own perspective and are not fix or willing to see the other person'south view. In such case they need an impartial person's involvement to expect at the situation and both opinions objectively and convey that to both partners. That should not be a relative or a friend, simply a qualified psychologist.

Once yous realize that some problems in your relationship cannot exist solved without external help, it is a good idea to consult a specialist.

Solving the issues in relationship

At that place are diverse types of family therapy techniques. The most common of them are sociometric, structural and behavioral. [half dozen]

Sociometric techniques allow the psychologist to gather required data about family operation. Several methods. like "family sculpting", "family choreography" or "straw tower", can assistance the couple in simulating past, present and hereafter events, finding new ways of interacting with each other and restore trust afterward a quarrel.

Spouses get the risk to have a calm chat nearly their reasons for dissatisfaction in marriage, discuss the possible ways to solve the problems. A specialist is e'er impartial, they provide coherent explanation for objective and subjective causes of the most common conflicts, helping the partners to prepare their relationship.

Family therapy has four stages: diagnosis, conflict elimination, reconstruction and back up. [1]

Later discussing their problems with a psychologist and post-obit their advice, both partners start to perceive their relationship differently. They first to prioritize productive conversations and mutual respect.

Structural techniques of family therapy, like "Memories" and "Family photo" assist with discovering hidden problems in the family and creating room for personal modify for both partners.

Behavior psychology is aimed at changing behavior patterns of its patients. Modern methods aid each family member to institute productive means to collaborate with others past employing remote techniques. You don't accept to visit a psychologist. You simply have to follow the course schedule. This method tin help you lot solve the issues without diving deep into your past grudges and escalating the conflict.

We will teach you how to create harmonious relationships

Ane of these new behavioral methods is 7Spsy beliefs modification technique. It is a registered and scientifically canonical method that presents wonderful results. This method is based on the works in traditional behavior psychology by I. P. Pavlov, B.F. Skinner etc. The class lasts 2-6 weeks. This technique lets you change your pathologic mode of behavior to a healthier pattern, develop a productive approach to conflicts and learn to get the human relationship back on rails after a quarrel. This will bring dearest and harmony back to your family unit.

References:

«Praktikum po konfliktologii» (3-e izdanie), 2017 g, S. M. Emelyanov
«Konfliktologiya» (2-e izdanie), 2018 m, kollektiv avtorov
Statistika razvodov, nauchnaya statya, 2015 one thousand, kollektiv avtorov «Konfliktologiya», 2008 g, N. A. Loban
«Supruzheskie konflikty», 1989 g, V. A. Sysenko, Elli Lisits, Vvedenie v metod terapii otnoshenij d-ra Gutmana (https://world wide web.gottman.com/web log/an-introduction-to-the-gottman-method-of-relationship-therapy/)
«Strukturirovannye tekhniki semejnoj i supruzheskoj terapii», 1997, G. Sherman

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